My Own Prison
by almathea
Summary: Harper is held captive on an alien world. Harper POV
1. Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda, or anything else, for that matter. Just this computer here.

**My Own Prison**

**Chapter 1: Alone**

Why the hell did we have to come to this god forsaken planet anyway? There's not even anything here, except for me. And that's all because she told me to get off the Maru, and go look around. So I went. I looked. And big surprise, there's jack-shit on this planet. And then something _really_ important happened, that drew Beka's attention away from this pathetic rock, and she fucking _left me here!_

So here I am, wandering through the wilderness. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for. But I'm looking. Wouldn't she be surprised if she came back here and saw that I was actually doing what she told me to. Then I see it. A building, the only one around. It's built against the side of a mountain for reasons I can only guess at.

So I go check it out. That's why I'm here, right? Then I find that it's not just a building against a hill. The building is like a doorway into the hill. Past the front door, the building is just a small room with another door on the other side. That door opens onto a tunnel, which leads back into the mountain.

I follow this tunnel until it opens up into a cave with torches on the walls. There are chains and other such things attached to the wall. _What the hell?_ Then I hear it. Footsteps behind me. And a voice, an angry one.

"You are not deserving!"

The next thing I hear is something solid connecting with the back of my skull. The world goes black as I wonder what I ever did to piss off the entire universe.

Now, I thought that was bad, but it was about to get a whole lot worse. When I come to, I find that my wrists are in chains. The same ones I saw when I first walked into this hellhole. My arms ache because I'm almost on my knees, but the chains aren't quite long enough, so I'm just hanging in a pathetic slump.

I shift my weight onto my feet to take the strain off my arms. Then I make the mistake of looking up. The is a figure in front of me. I assume it's the same one who bludgeoned me. I can't see a face, it's covered by something. A veil or something. But I can see the eyes. Bright green, and narrowed in anger. At me.

"Drop your eyes! You are not worthy!"

Before I can lower my eyes, a sharp blow strikes me across the face. In an instant I can taste blood as I feel it trickle down my chin. But I keep my eyes down. Then I get the bright idea to ask a question.

"Why are you doing th—" I am cut off by the sudden impact in my stomach. I can hardly breathe and I lose my footing. I come to an abrupt stop as the chains reach their limit, and I hear a sickening pop as my shoulder jumps out of its socket. I want to scream, but I still can't breathe. So, I resort to making pathetic gasping sounds, much to the apparent delight of the figure in front of me.

Then they just leave. They leave me here, bleeding and broken. But I know they'll be back. When they're ready to torture me again. And now, alone, I start wondering. _Not deserving, not worthy_. Maybe it's true. Maybe I'm not. But deserving of what? _Life_, a voice in my head offers. Sure, I think, why didn't I die years ago? I've had plenty of chances. Sometimes I think the world would be better off without me.

Why didn't I just give up? Every time I should have just laid down and died, I picked myself up again. And what for? So I could be abandoned on some pointless speck of a planet? Is that what my life has been leading up to?

I am left wondering as I lean back on the wall and slowly drift from consciousness.


	2. My Own Prison

Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda, or Creed, or their song 'My Own Prison'. Too bad…

**Chapter 2: My Own Prison**

When I wake up, there are more torches lit, and more veiled figures. They stand in a semicircle around the room. I get the feeling that it's a trial for my immortal soul. One of them steps forward and removes the chains from my wrists. I lean on the wall behind me to keep my balance.

One figure, taller than the others, steps forward and points a finger at me.

"You have been found guilty."

I stumble forward. "Huh? Of what?"

Something solid, a staff of some kind, slams into my forehead, and I drop to my knees as I hear the answer.

"The highest transgression. You are unworthy of life, yet you continue to cling to it."

_A court is in session, a verdict is in_

_No appeal on the docket today_

_Just my own sin_

_The walls are cold and pale _

_The cage made of steel_

_Screams fill the room_

_Alone I drop and kneel_

I try to grasp the situation as I slowly breathe. So much pain, I can feel blood running down the side of my face. I stare blankly at the floor as I realize that this is it. I'm here to be punished, and they aren't going to stop until I finally give up and die.

_Silence now the sound_

_My breath the only motion around_

_Demons cluttering around_

_My face showing now emotion_

_Shackled by my sentence_

_Expecting no return_

_Here there is no penance_

_My skin begins to burn_

Suddenly I shake my head. It takes me a minute to figure out why I'm doing it. Apparently some part of me isn't ready to give up just yet. I stay on my knees, but I sit up straight and raise my head. I look up, over their heads, as if there was some presence up near the ceiling.

Things are starting to make sense. Every time I fight back, it only makes them find something else to blame on me. They keep me in here, in the dark, because out there, in the light, is life. And I don't deserve it.

_So I held my head up high_

_Hiding hate that burns inside_

_Which only fuels their selfish pride_

_We're all held captive_

_Out from the sun_

_A sun that shines on only some_

_We the meek are all in one_

I get the vague feeling that there is something important I'm supposed to do. Not in here, out there somewhere. I don't know what is, maybe it's just that there is still something to live for, some reason to fight.

Maybe I have to trust this to some higher power, which I hate to do, because I don't want to lose control in what is looking like a very hairy situation. There's not a lot I can do in _here_, so I don't really have a choice but to hand the reins over to someone or some thing out _there_.

_I hear a thunder in the distance_

_See a vision of a cross_

_I feel the pain that was given_

_On that sad day of loss_

_A lion roars in the darkness_

_Only He holds the key_

_A light to free me from my burden_

_And grant me life eternally_

And came the big question. Why didn't I die? What kept me going? Is it just that somehow I always pick myself and move ahead, leaving it all behind? I never even had time to figure out _why_ I had survived. Until now.

_Should have been dead _

_On a Sunday morning_

_Banging my head_

_No time for mourning_

_Ain't got no time_

Now all the times come rushing back, and I can see that _something_ had kept me alive, something that these people can't take away from me. I force myself to my feet, ready to fight for my life, and I see that I am completely alone. I look around, and there are no footprints on the ground, no evidence of anyone else ever being there.

_So I held my head up high_

_Hiding hate that burns inside_

_Which only fuels their selfish pride_

_We're all held captive_

_Out from the sun_

_A sun that shines on only some_

_We the meek are all in one_

I drop back to my knees and reach towards the sky, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. I can't even see the sky, but I know it's there, out there somewhere. Before I can stop myself and pursue some logical course of action, I scream to some unseen entity.

"What is this place! Why are you doing this to me! What have I done to deserve this!"

Then suddenly I know. I am alone. And somehow I tell myself while blood continues trickling down my face, _I was always alone_. Somewhere the world, and my past, has caught up with me, and I've created my own prison.

_I cry out to God_

_Seeking only His decision_

_Gabriel stands and confirms _

_I've created my own prison_

Still on my knees, I lower my head, lean my elbows on my knees, and curl my arms over my head. I can feel tears mixing with the blood and running down my cheeks. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here like this, a melted puddle of humanity. After what feels like hours, I hear a voice, speaking softly.

"Seamus?"

I feel Beka sit down next to me, with one hand resting gently on my back. I want to look at her, but I can't bring myself to raise my head.

"Oh God, what happened to you? I was only gone ten minutes. When I came back, you were gone. I've been searching for you for hours."

Finally, I start to rise from my heap on the floor. I raise my head to look at her, and she takes one look at my face and immediately reaches up to brush tears from my cheek. Then she gently wipes away blood that was threatening to run in my eye. She slowly wraps her arms around me and pulls me against her. I let out a little whimper as she touches my dislocated shoulder, but I allow her to hold me. I lay my head on her shoulder as she whispers, "Don't ever scare me like that again. If something ever happened… if I lost you…"

I can the tears behind her words and I suddenly know why I've survived this long. Because my life still matters to somebody.

* * *

A/N: Ah, wasn't that fun? I wrote this in about two and half hours. Feeling a little sleep deprived. 


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